Discipline Build Future Freedom

One of the biggest challenges young people face today isn't a lack of talent or potential.

It's a lack of patience.

That isn't a criticism of today's kids. It's simply the environment they are growing up in. We live in a world where almost anything can happen instantly. A question can be answered in seconds. A package arrives the next day. A video loads immediately and if you liked that video, another one is shown to you instantly. Validation comes in the form of likes, comments, and notifications within minutes.

When the world teaches instant gratification, it becomes much harder to appreciate the value of delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is the willingness to accept that your action may not receive an outcome today with the patience and belief that it will create something even greater tomorrow.

It's one of the most valuable life skills a child can develop.

In martial arts, I see this lesson every week. A new student walks into class and immediately wants to learn the exciting things they see the other students doing. They want to jump, spin, spar, and earn their next belt. Very few children walk in excited to spend twenty minutes practicing the same stance or repeating the same punch over and over again. The foundations are not exciting.

Yet those simple, repetitive foundational drills are exactly what make everything else possible. Discipline builds future freedom and without accepting delayed gratification, discipline can be extremely difficult.

A black belt has done thousands of basic punches. Hours upon hours of basic stances. Not because they loved practicing the basics every single day, but because they came to understand something that every successful person eventually discovers; The actions that produce the greatest rewards are often the least exciting in the moment.

Holding a horse stance while your legs are shaking in pain and your mind is telling you to stop and rest isn't fun.

Practicing balance over and over, trying to hold longer and more calmly every time isn't much of a thrill.

Struggling with a technique, making a mistake, and trying again, over and over isn't the typical idea of enjoyment and pleasure.

But those moments are where growth actually happens. This is where we sometimes get it backwards as adults. We celebrate the achievements with great enthusiasm. Even with our kids, we tend to celebrate the wins and brace them for the losses. We take photos with the trophy and applaud the success, while going back to the drawing board after the losses. Don’t get me wrong, we should certainly celebrate our wins and learn from our losses. And, we could benefit from celebrating the work that has gone into the wins and the losses.

There is a lot that can be gained from taking a moment to celebrate the challenge and the inevitable growth that come from it. Trophies and awards feel reassuring and fun. The real achievement though, happened in the months before anyone was clapping.

It happened on the nights they didn't feel like coming to class but showed up anyway.

It happened when they lost a match and chose to keep training instead of quitting.

It happened every time they chose practice over comfort.

Those are the moments that build character and the same lesson exists outside the dojo.

When student studies for the test instead of playing another hour of video games, they are practicing discipline based on delayed gratification.

A teenager who puts money into savings instead of spending it on something they want today requires discipline based on a potential future outcome.

A child keeps practicing the piano even though they don't feel like it.

None of those choices feel rewarding in the moment. In fact, they often feel like they're missing out in the moment from something that seems like a big deal. That's the challenge with delayed gratification. You have to trust that today's effort is building tomorrow's opportunities before you can actually see the results.

For kids, that can feel incredibly difficult.

Their brains are still developing and they don’t have long term life experience to demonstrate how things come to you later. Their ability to think about long-term consequences is still growing. Naturally, they gravitate toward what feels good right now and society has doubled down on those inclinations. That's exactly why they need opportunities to practice patience, persevering, and working toward something that can't be achieved immediately. That is why we need to be having more conversations with our kids about the benefits of doing the difficult thing today, for a possible tomorrow.

Instead of “because I said so”. We can have conversations with our kids about the long term benefits of reducing our screen time. We can validate how practicing feels uncomfortable and open dialogue about the benefits of doing the hard things now. Let’s explain to our youth that it is not because we want life to be harder for them but rather because we want them to become stronger. Explain to them that we are learning along the way and are trying to help them build a life that is stronger than what we built because we have learned our lessons.

I've often said that discipline isn't punishment. Discipline is the practice of doing what is necessary to build our future self. Often times that means choosing the difficult thing over the comfortable thing. Not because difficult is always better, but because the life we want is often built through small decisions that don't feel rewarding until much later. The irony is that delayed gratification eventually creates something far greater than the reward we were chasing in the first place.

When I began martial arts, I wanted to be a black belt. 13 years later, when that goal was finally achieved, I was underwhelmed. It didn’t feel like I thought it would. What I realized was that the achievement was just a moment in time. The years of work and building myself into the person that held the black belt was really what I was celebrating that day.

The belt was simply a token of appreciation for the development. Principles of discipline, resiliency, leadership, and passion are the real rewards that I carry with me every single day, thanks to the hours upon hours of foundational building.

This is something I am passionate about passing onto the youth and even adults that I mentor on a daily basis. If you are interested in mentorship opportunities for yourself or someone that you know, feel free to connect with me and start a conversation!

Written by: Kyle Craik