top of page
Search

Embracing Failure: Martial Arts Lessons in Teaching Resilience to Children

Writer's picture: Kyle CraikKyle Craik

Life has a way of throwing us off balance. It can be a rough journey at times, filled with ups and downs. As parents, it can be incredibly challenging to find a balance between our personal struggles and our family's challenges. That's why I want to share how I've learned to embrace failure and cultivate resilience in the face of adversity.

I have been involved in martial arts for over 85% of my life, starting when I was just five years old. Today, I am a Sifu (instructor) and mentor to kids, teens, and adults, with the main goal of passing on the valuable lessons and tools that martial arts has provided me. From confidence to discipline, martial arts has equipped me with the real-life skills necessary to navigate through challenging times with patience and perseverance. As a parent, I am especially grateful for these skills and the positive impact they have had on my life.

I firmly believe in the power of sports, learning to win with humility and lose with dignity and acceptance. I vividly remember a day when I lost what I now realize was a relatively insignificant fight. Frustrated and disappointed, I stormed over to my bag, angrily removed my headgear, and threw it in a fit of rage. Looking back, it was nothing more than a tantrum. I felt it was unfair—I believed I should have won. I expected sympathy and support from my teammates, hoping they would reassure me that I was not the one at fault. However, instead of coddling me, I was met with awkward looks and my instructor made it clear that my behavior was unacceptable and did not reflect well on myself or the club.

I pleaded my case, insisting that I should have won and that the judges had made mistakes. In response, my instructor asked me a simple question that forever changed my perspective on losing: Why did I let the match get so close to call in the first place? If I was undeniably the better fighter, why did the judges make a wrong decision? This question opened my eyes to a fundamental aspect of martial arts: ownership.

Ultimately, it's on me. If I lose, if I fail, it's my responsibility. Martial arts taught me that no one will come to save me. It taught me the value of hard work and dedication. The truth is, if I wanted to win that fight, I should have been better prepared. I couldn't blame anyone else. Losses like that made me realize that failure holds opportunities for growth. Of course, I didn't set out to lose just for the sake of learning, but these experiences shifted my perspective from self-pity to self-discovery. By experiencing and despising the feeling of losing, I became motivated to work harder. I put in the effort, became smarter, and learned more, ultimately performing better and proving to myself that I was capable of achieving new levels of success. Resilience, defined as the capacity to withstand and recover quickly from difficulties, became the cornerstone of my martial arts journey. It enabled me to develop an unbreakable spirit, allowing me to face and overcome any struggles or failures that life threw my way.

Let's be honest, some losses hit harder than others. I am far from perfect and have regrets about how I've responded to life's challenges at times. No one should expect to respond perfectly to every situation. However, practicing the art of losing and winning gracefully creates a foundation to rely on during times when life ultimately tests us.

Perhaps you're not a martial artist, and that's perfectly fine! However, I highly recommend giving it a try. I have had adults in their 30s, 50s, and even 60s join martial arts classes and tell me it was the best decision they ever made in their lives. If you're not ready for that, here's what I suggest: strive to succeed at everything with the understanding that struggles and failures will often be part of the journey. Embrace those failures with curiosity. Each struggle provides valuable insights that you can fully own. How can you better prepare and perform in the future to improve the outcome? Another crucial lesson that altered my martial arts journey and my life is this: failure is not a sign of regression, but a sign of progress. In my first year as a young black belt, I lost every fight. I wanted to quit and believed I had reached the pinnacle of my potential as a martial artist. However, because I persevered and continued to put in the work, I learned that my failures were a result of reaching for new heights beyond my previous capabilities. They were not unattainable; I simply had to learn the necessary lessons along the way to push through.

Studies have shown that shifting perspective and exercising a positive mindset significantly enhances resilience. One study by the University of North Carolina found that individuals who were able to reframe their negative events into a more positive light, were able to generate greater personal well-being and respond with more resilience in the face of adversity. They were 85% more likely to bounce back quickly from a challenging situation than those who struggled to shift their perspectives.

Furthermore, every failure I have experienced has made me a better teacher. When I feel like a failure as a father due to a challenging day where I wasn't the best dad I could be, I remind myself that there is a lesson to be learned from that difficult moment. There is work to be done, and it is not a reflection of my character but an opportunity to demonstrate my true character. Our children also need to grasp these perspectives. In a world that demands instant gratification, it is vital for them to understand that the result does not define their identity; instead, it offers insights into areas where they need to work harder. For instance, if a math test leaves your child feeling defeated and believing they are simply not good at math, it is crucial to quickly shift their mindset towards understanding the lessons hidden within that struggle. Which areas of the test posed the biggest challenges? What does that tell us about where they need to be more disciplined and consistent?

Build resilience in yourself and your children by approaching failures with a growth mindset. Foster a sense of ownership and understand that everything is within your control. What does this experience teach you about your preparation? What clues are available here for improvement?

I would be delighted to have you come and try a martial arts class for free. Please feel free to reach out to me personally at cuttingedgekf@gmail.com.

Written by Kyle Craik


30 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Commenti


bottom of page