No One Is Coming To Save You

No one is coming to save you.

That’s a truth that hits with some precision.

As we get older, life has a way of stripping away some of the stories that once protected us. The idea that things will eventually settle down for us. That someone will show up at the exact right moment and things will fall into place. That if we’re patient enough, strong enough, or good enough, we will achieve the things in life and finally make us feel secure.

Like a quiet detonation, adulthood teaches us over time the impermanence that people come and go.

Relationships change. Some end. Some drift. Even the most meaningful connections are so often a mere chapter in your unwritten pages. And eventually, every one of us faces the same truth; life is fragile. Nothing is promised or deserved.

Life is unpredictable. There are no guarantees. No one else is responsible for whether you feel happy or fulfilled. No one else is to blame for your struggles or lack of peace. The truth that is so difficult for us to face is that we choose our own pain. Every decision in life is made based on pain and pleasure and there is typically a trade off for both. 

It can feel dark if we stop there. And I imagine you’ve felt the heaviness of this reality, just like I have. This blunt description is not intended to create self blame or shame for our downfalls or shortcomings. Rather, an awareness of the fact that no one else is to blame for it. As if blaming someone else ever actually made the pain go away…

There’s another side to this reality that doesn’t get talked about enough though.

At some point, each of us has to come to terms with the fact that our happiness, our growth, and our direction belong to us. Not our partners. Not our parents. Not our friends. Not our circumstances.

The other day, I was playing cards with my son. I was winning by quite a bit. Rolling his eyes he told me how this game is all luck. He just wasn't getting the hands he needed and I was. While that may have been true, I was getting some good cards dealt to me, I argued back that luck is only ever part of the game. We don’t get to choose the cards that show up in our pile, but we do have a choice in how we play them in order to give ourselves the best shot at winning.

We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us and I know that life deals us some real challenges. But, we do always still have a choice. We choose how we respond. We choose what we carry forward and how we agree to define ourselves by each and every situation.

In that sense, we choose our suffering.

That idea can feel triggering. But it’s also deeply empowering. Because if we have a role in our suffering, we also have a role in our healing. You are in control, even when it feels like you’re not.

When I first had this realization, I felt alone. The pressure I was already feeling to be everything I needed to be became even more overwhelming. You are not alone though. Support still matters. Community matters. Connection is a pillar of success. And not to pile on, but even that is your responsibility.

No one forces you to seek support. I know, some people will say “I only went to therapy because they made me”. Did they? Or did you agree to it reluctantly? Even if they said you go to therapy or lose your job, your kids, your whatever, you have a choice. Do those supports actually work though? Some will say yes and some will argue no. The reality? Consistency with the personal practices that ground you are a key to any support system that actually works and that again is your responsibility to maintain. No one can do the internal work on your behalf.

Community doesn’t replace personal responsibility, it reinforces it.

There’s a difference between being supported and being dependent. Between connection and avoidance. Between asking for help and waiting to be rescued.

The beauty in all of this is that we are not powerless. We can learn to stand with ourselves. To build trust with ourselves. To take responsibility for our choices, our habits, and our direction.

This isn’t about isolation. It’s about sovereignty and ownership of who you are.

It’s about reclaiming authorship over your own life story and knowing that while others can walk alongside you, you still have to take your steps.

Self‑reliance doesn’t mean doing everything alone. In fact, it means knowing you can face what’s in front of you without abandoning yourself, which often involves allowing yourself the time and opportunity to connect deeper with others.

That’s where real stability comes from.

No one is coming to save you.

And once you truly understand that, you realize something important:

You don’t actually need to be saved.

Written by: Kyle Craik